Life..

two in one day...aren't you special...

So, life gave me a wake up call today in the form of the two words I have come to despise/fear: "Grandpa fell."

Grandpa fell last year when he had his stroke. Grandpa fell last summer when he broke his arm. Grandpa fell and hit his head. Grandpa fell and bruised his arm. Grandpa fell and bruised his cheek. Grandpa fell and they took him to the hospital...again. Grandpa fell. Grandpa fell. Grandpa fell. I don't understand how a person can fall while using a walker, but I guess that really isn't the point.

You see, my grandparents shouldn't be living alone, but no one in the family will take responsibility for them. I'm the only one with no set plans, so it would make sense that I move in with them for the next year, get a job around the corner for expenses and so I'll be close by, and take care of them. The only problem is that I don't drive, so it would be irresponsible of me to take care of two elderly people without the ability to drive them places. It doesn't make sense. It's my fault I'm not even qualified to take care of my own grandparents. It's my fault I'm stupid and refuse to drive. It's my fault I've let this fear control my life. It's my fault that people look down at me because I can't drive. It's my fault that everyone in my family is disappointed in me. I have no one to blame but myself. And now, it's my fault that I can't even help.