Dear Awkward,

Thanks for coming to the party last night. It was awesome. You got all the people I never wanted to meet in the same room together. Have I told you how much I appreciate that? It was especially fun when one of my really good friends came up to me and told me that a gay guy just tried to make out with her - I told her that was to be expected out of him.

Oh, and just because you are so considerate, I thoroughly enjoyed none of those people even looking at me (well, until one of them was forced to play beer pong against me). All I got was a drunkenly yelled "Jeeessssiiiicaaaa!!!" from the one and a whiny, "Why do you haaaate meee?" from the other.

I couldn't even hang out with my real friends because you, Awkward, were always sitting or standing right there. I, at least, hope my friends see what idiots they all are and respect me more for ditching them. Oh, and nice touch at the end with those two guys. The shorty didn't even glance in my direction, and the big guy was just upset we beat him at beer pong.

One more thing, please stop making yourself present all up on that one guy who keeps staring at me whenever I'm in a 5 mile radius. I mean, seriously, talk about creeper. Well, that was all. Please don't show up again at a party like that, or anywhere for that matter.

Much obliged!
MJ